I have always considered myself to be someone who was put on this earth to serve others in some capacity. That is where I find the most fulfillment.
I have to also admit that it can be hard to remember that I am merely a servant of Him who put me on this earth. All gifts I offer to others come directly through Him. Sometimes he has to remind me of that, and it can be a rather harsh awakening. I hear His still, small voice whisper to me, “Cheryl, you are not God. I am.” I usually hear this voice when circumstances are preventing me from helping someone the way I would like to or when circumstances are not going the way I think they should be. When the unfairness of life is smacking me in the face, and I am feeling out of control, that is when I realize that I cannot give beyond my time and resources. This is when I realize, I am not God.
A person I know recently reminded me that when I try to control people and situations, even if it is for a good cause, that I am closing the door on God. I am, in a sense, telling Him “I don’t need you. I can do this myself.” Sometimes the best thing we can do for others is simply “Let go and let God.”
I think of all of the life lessons that I have learned so far in my life, and they have all been the result of the lessons God has taught me. When I step in trying to save the world by controlling and manipulating situations, I am preventing God from teaching these people valuable lessons that need to be taught. It can be painful to watch, especially if it is someone you love. But all of those old clichés are true. The rainbow really does come after the rain.
When I lost my husband of 33 years, I was faced with some tough, life-changing decisions. This was hard for me because I was not accustomed to making these kinds of decisions. I had always been the homemaker, the stay-at-home mom, the nurturer. He was the one who took care of all of the finances. My self-esteem was low. My self-confidence was non-existent.
Suddenly I was faced with cleaning out the home we had lived in for 30 years and selling it. I was faced with worrying about funeral expenses in the midst of mind-numbing grief. I was faced with finding a job with benefits after years of working part-time. I was scared and I was feeling very hopeless. I was feeling out-of-control when I had no choice other than to be in control. In the midst of that “control”, however, I realized that I could not do it alone. When I realized that there was nobody who could “save” me from my circumstances, I cried out to God.
He has never let me down. Three years later, my circumstances have changed. I have a job. I have benefits. I got out of debt. I am paying rent and my own bills. I bought a car and have no payments. I have a 401K. I have published three books, including my novel
“Alone in the Crowd”. I have lost 60 pounds. I am exercising and eating healthier. I still have a LONG way to go in being the person I want to be, but I know I'll get there.
I want this for others, and I need to learn that I cannot fix everyone’s situation. I can only do what God gives me the resources and time to do. And if God does not respond to a situation the way I believe He should, it is because He has a much better plan in mind.
Let go and let God. I’m learning to do that…and when I stop trying to butt in, perhaps I will see some of the miracles God has in mind to help the ones that I cannot help.
Cheryl A. Williams, 2015
